My Song Today

The First Cut Is The Deepest
by Sheryl Crow

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I have
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again (tryyy)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'Cause if you want I'll try to love again (try to love again)
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know, the first cut is the deepest
When it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst

The first cut is the deepest baby i know
The first cut is the deepest try to love again...

* Can love be without complications? He makes me feel good. He makes me laugh. He likes me a lot and I like him a lot too. He is the perfect candidate but I have to get rid of lion love-bearer first so those who want to love me can come in. Tough, isn’t it?

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
It’s December and I still don’t see light sa aking MLP goal for the year – (BF by Dec. 23, 2004) Pero ok lang po un Santa. Sabi nga ni TC, haste makes waste.

I got a phone call from a dear inhinyero friend who attempted to court me b4 and is trying to win me over again. Gosh! Ang sweet nya. Ang noble pa because he’s with the reporter Adrian Ayalin sa Dingalan kung saan may mga flashfloods. In the service of the Filipino talaga. Santa, wawa naman po ung mga nasalanta. I’ll try to give something through Sagip Kapamilya. Heniweyz, he’s been trying to reach me kasi di pa raw niya nabibigay ung pasalubong nyang pili tarts when he arrived from the Visayas the other week and he has pasalubong for me from Mindoro raw.

Men! They make you fall really hard tapos lalaglagin ka in the end. Hehe, this is Candy the cynic talking again. Ala lang…. Ano? (Sagutin ko na kaya, jajajajanice? Ano sa tingin mo, try lang) Shucks! Actually, right now, I feel so elated. May asim pa pala ako. Hehe! Kaya lang, hindi ganun kadali un coz he has to live up to my standards. Sowy sensya na pero high ata ung na-set kong standards. He has to be at par with my ex kung hindi, baka di ko sya kaya ipagmalaki sa pamilya ko. Bad ba ako Santa? Di ko nga ma-feel ung pasko e. Lagi tumutugtog sa radio ung “Even Santa Fell In Love” na song. Santa, paano ba kayo nagka-inlab-an ni Mrs. Claus? Sana sagutin ako ni Santa sa pasko. Ingat ka lagi Santa =)

Love,
Candy

kilig factor

No, I’m not auditioning for MTB Luv Idol (plugging pa!) Someone sent an offline message in my YM yesterday – ???:tc (11/29/04 4:58:13 PM). Last I remembered, I was chatting with him about automobile stuff and I saw our office window. Damn! It was raining hard. I should better get going. Besides, I was almost done with my report and my mom was waiting for me at home. Hay life! Could it be that my male iron has melt. Tama ba ako’ng sabihin na ang meaning ng TC ay take care coz I care? Lumalabas na naman ang pagkababae ko at kung anu-ano’ng definition ang binibigay ko sa TC e sa dapat wala naman diba? Actually, he will never say something like that to my face. He is iceman (this is another guy, hindi ito si lion love-bearer). Which leads me to post something I wrote months back when BLOGS are still alien to me.

Call me abstract, call me schizo just don’t call me a heartbreaker coz I will never be.

studying makes me a dull girl

I don’t feel like reading Philip Kotler today =( I didn’t even do the brand position exercise. Ikanga, ‘deadma!” pag tinawag ni Professor RC later, sagot lang kahit walang sense.

Ritual

(February 11, 2004)
Just when you thought everything’s bed of roses and nothing would ever come love’s way, you succumb to the ritual. No emotions, no heart, you just perform the ritual.

All else have fallen into place, even if without a better half (like, who am I trying to convince?). Who wouldn’t want someone who is always there to talk with, to hold hands with? You can’t have it all. And He compensates it with other things. She asks for other better things, but she equips herself with tools of coping with rejection.

The ritual is actually a class… a passion class, that is. It is a one-on-one, a teacher-student interaction. It’s okay to ask questions just don’t overwork each other. This is where the action is. There will be a lot of huffs, puffs and jitters (the nice ones). You’ll get all sweaty but you’ll realize in the end it’s worth the exercise. One reminder: Never add to the Brady bunch please…

To text or not to text, that is the question (a rhetoric)

I can’t believe I once shouted to the whole world:
“With him, I opted to be gullible. If this is what it feels like to be drunk with love then I refuse to be sober. I’d rather be vulnerable and lose my pride than not have him. I’d rather put up with him than not speak a word with him at all.”

when now….
“I’d rather not have him anymore and be happy for the rest of my life than go through the guessing game again and stunt dreams and say hello to a bleak future.”

He just happened to call the house the other night and was able to talk to my mom who revealed to him that I lost my sim. My mom told me he was trying to contact me in my cellphone for the longest time and he couldn’t reach me. (What can I say, my mother can sometimes be balimbing). I had this urge to text him my new number but I stopped myself from doing so. I just came from a Singles weekend retreat and I delivered a talk on “Christian Love and Human Desire”. Ako ba ito? Hehe, wala lang sila mahanap na speaker. The participants were all ears. As if! So practice what you preach baby – discipline. Don’t give in to every desire if it will not be pleasing to Him.

So much for Sister Candy, back to Blogger Candy na. Please dear friends, pray that I endure this – na sana magtagumpay na ang pag-iwas ko sa kanya at wag po ako ma-karma. I’m a tired soul. We all deserve happiness.

* congrats on ur new baby, beatlebum!

The climb

The uphill climb is really slow. But when I get to the top, Lord, please don’t make me realize that everything I needed is right down there. Thank you.

I wanna know more about Ryan Cabrera. I’ve been listening to his music on LaunchCast and if I were to have a boyfriend, I hope he could sing good songs well as he does. Hehe! Nangangarap na naman ikaw nang gising, Candida.

Spiderman ofcmate and I were arguing about karma last friday. He said if you do good things, bad things happen, if you do bad things, bad things happen too. What’s the difference anyway? (*note: topic was about staying in relationships).

The lost sim

This may be a very stupid situation I am in. Who would have thought that I’ll be losing my personal simcard somewhere in our office? Like duh! Sino ba kasi nagsabing tanggalin ang sim sa cellphone? Ako lang un, hehe. That was last week and for all it’s worth, I’m looking for it again at this moment. Kala ko ba na’let-go’ ko na ang sim na un? Pls don’t text or call sa 09162009734.

My initial reaction when I’ve learned that it was lost was exaltation. Now, nobody uninvited would pester me anymore because I’ll be living a new life until I get my new sim. But I’m beginning to miss it. I’m using the office sim right now. I’m checking out Globe’s great Christmas deals. I might just get a line (for the cellphone). In the meantime, I enjoy being cellphone and sim-less. Sarap ng feeling ng hindi accessible, hehe.

Lolas and I had a lovely conversation last nyt. Being an old maid runs in the family raw. It will be either Charing, Sannie or me that will be it. Ok dear girls, mauna na kayong dalawa. I know that none of us will be it. Sa lalandi nating itow? ;-) Let’s just stop sulking about past loves, right, Sannie?

I’m going back to the case I’m reading or pretending to read now - the Linden Suites case (for our brand management class at 6-9pm). That’s me, nerdy candy =)

A cinch! November 17

I’ve been so busy lately. I thought I’m not gonna make it to this day. Looking back, I thought, it was such a cinch! Singles retreat postponed to next weekend where we ensure more participation. GB!

Bestfriend officemate and I had management mini-project presentation a while ago. As usual, ManCom was not that gentle but I was able to come up with sane answers to Caloy’s trick questions. Hah! I badly need a vacation. There is a long overdue one-on-one session with Ms AQ of HR. I told her plans of leaving comfort zone. She was asking me why I wasn’t that so enthusiastic before my presentation. Who would be if that person is in my shoes? You’re compelled to do management trainee responsibilities and still do what you are being paid for. Up next, a text promo in (*hint*hint*) to give away a trip for two to Paris and I myself haven’t been there. Wow, he/she will be one lucky kapamilya! Officemate namesake is really really asking for it. Popoy is fuming mad for some faux pas. Ang wrinkles! Even an in-depth coaching mentoring won’t cure it. Good luck gurl!

I wanted to visit Katmag tonight because she was operated on at UP-PGH last Tuesday for something in the ovaries but my body is trembling because of short sleeps. Dear Katmag, you and Patic are constantly in my prayers. Thank God the operation was successful. I might drop by tomorrow.

I had to get those automobile quotations as sisterette Charing is coming to Manila in December and skills are getting rusty. I talked to sisterette in webcam last Monday. She and her roommate were so funny. I talked to Sannie in MSN chat a while ago. She also had webcam and I was so happy to see them all.

final answer & stuff

Everybody’s asking kung Game KNB? NOT! Kidding =) Everything has to run smoothly. Im crossing fingers and toes.

I was supposed to go to Cabanatuan today but my lolas didn't allow me. Last Thursday, when female officemates and I were watching South Border at Dish, Rocky friend decided to tag along. I asked him to teach me target-shooting because he happens to have plans of spending the weekend in Fort Magsaysay, Nueva Ecija. I've long wanted to practice target-shooting. Makes me wonder kung babae ba ako o lalaki... hehe!

Well, it's more for self-defense but i don't plan to bring a gun everytime i go out. La lang.. i like the idea of knowing how to fire a gun. It's not like I want to kill a person or something. Ala lang magawa. After all, there is a call for reinvention. And besides, I am a woman warrior now. If ever you get hooked on Tantra (online RPG), do look for me - Dyosa of Raksasha clan. C u!

Too bad, i wasn't able to take a picture with Nyoy Volante at the Born Diva studio a while ago. I was supposed to make Sannie really jealous because someone reminds her of Nyoy. But he was oh-so-busy and I need to get back to work. Bummer!

Today is a happy day. I don't know why but i just feel so light. Maybe because I'm getting the hang of being single and happy and in charge again. I hope this sustains =)